Rebuilding the Buffy
by Rtani46
Summary: While setting up the New Watchers council Buffy finds some free time to reflect and maybe fine love again. AU season 8 Buffy/Satsu


Rebuilding the Buffy

Rebuilding the Buffy: chapter 1

Disclaimer: Buffy the vampire slayer belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Company.

Buffy looked out over the Scottish Highlands from the parapet of the castle. The sun was slowly dipping in the sky as a cool summer breeze caressed her face. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she suddenly realized that it didn't hurt to breath anymore. It had been a busy six months as they set up the Councils new head quarters. They were still in the process of fine tuning the training of the new Slayers and organizing the new Watchers Council, but things were falling in place now, leavening her more and more free time, time to do a little rebuilding of her own.

Over the last few weeks she had been coming out here looking out over the castle walls, thinking, doing the introspective thingy trying to find a way back to the old Buffy. It took her many long days and evenings staring out across the Scottish landscape only to discover that she would never be able to find the old Buffy again, because that Buffy died the night she jumped off the tower to save her sister and the world. She no longer knew who Buffy Summers was but she was starting to look forward to discovering who this new person was.

"Ma-am?"

Buffy turned around and saw Satsu and a smile blossomed on her lips without her realizing it.

"Hi Satsu what's the what?"

"We finished unloading the last shipment of weapons and every thing we ordered was accounted for and stored in the armory." Said Satsu.

"Good, tell the other girls job well done, and Satsu, you can call me Buffy when we are not on a mission or training."

"Th-thank you Buffy." She said with a shy smile.

Buffy turned back to look out across the forested hills and leaned her arms up against the parapet'

After a few minuets of watching Buffy search the surrounding hills she noticed Buffy was not really looking at the hills she was looking somewhere else and her curiosity prompted her to ask.

"Buffy, why do you come out here every night?"

"I come out here to say goodbye." Whispered Buffy.

Satsu hesitated a moment "To the people you lost in Sunnydale?"

"No, I am saying goodbye to myself." Said Buffy after a moment.

Satsu blinked in surprise and a bit of confusion "I don't understand Buffy, why are you saying goodbye to yourself?"

"Hmmm, I know Xander and Andrew have been telling you girls stories about me, did they tell you the one about Glory, or more importantly what happened after?" said Buffy.

"A little they are reluctant to talk about it much."

"I'm not surprised." Said Buffy after a beat.

Buffy smiled at the younger Slayer she knew the girl had a big crush on her. The old Buffy would have been mortified but now that she had decided to let go of her past she found she was intrigued and a little bit curious as to where this could go. The powers knew she needed someone stable in her life and her old friendships were in the past.

"When the old Watchers counsel still had control of the slayers they separated them from friends and family. It was their way of maintaining control of their weapon, their power. Unfortunately it also isolated the girls, so much so, that the burden of being a Slayer quickly burned them out. Back then the average life span of a Slayer was two years if they were strong." Said Buffy pausing to see if Satsu had any questions.

"By the time Glory showed up in Sunnydale I had been the Slayer for five years and the only reason I was still kicking was because of my friends." Said Buffy.

"You love them a lot don't you." Said Satsu softly.

"Yes I do, but even their love and friendship wasn't enough to keep the weight of the world from grinding me under. They just delayed it for a bit." Said Buffy sadly as she looked out over the wall.

After a few minutes she felt Satsu's hand on her shoulder. Buffy turned to face her and smiled as she reached up to touch the hand on her shoulder grateful for the human contact.

"I had started to become more withdrawn that year. I think that was one of the reasons that Riley left me… that and the vampire prostitutes and a ego the size of Iowa." Said Buffy scrunching her nose in disgusted.

Buffy snorted when she saw Satsu's eyes grow large.

"Glory showed up not long after he left me. You know your in trouble when you drop a building on the big bad and its only a minor inconvenienced to her." Said Buffy sarcastically.

"You dropped a building on her?" said Satsu disbelievingly.

"Ya, all it did was mess up her dress, which pissed her off, royally." Said Buffy.

"It was about this time mom got sick. God it seemed that it was all coming down on me at once, school, Glory, Riley, mom, learning about Dawn being the key. Even with all that I was coping with the stress thanks to the gang, but even with their support I was close to the edge. When mom died I started falling and even their support and friendship couldn't stop me at that point." Said Buffy.

"At that point there was only one person that could have pulled me from the brink." Buffy whispered.

"Your mom?" said Satsu.

"Ironically no. It was Faith that could have stopped it." Said Buffy with a small smile.

Satsu looked down at the cold stones of the wall "You love her don't you?"

'What?' thought Buffy.

When Buffy saw the look on Satsu's face a sharp pain shot through her heart. 'Oh my god.' She thought, she had only known Satsu for three months and already seeing her like this, all hurt and sad it was having this effect on her. She was telling her things that she had shared with only one other person, Tara. That thought and the ache in her heart were very scary signs that without even trying too she was starting to return Satsu's feelings for her.

Buffy reached out almost without thinking and cupped Satsu's chin, gently tilting her head so she could look deep into the warm brown eyes that were so expressive.

"Satsu, Faith was never anything more than a good friend. Yes I cared and loved her but only as a friend… well up until she went psycho and started killing people." Said Buffy trying to lighten the mood.

Satsu chuckled trying to get her own heart beat calmed down after she felt Buffy's thumb caress her cheek.

"Faith and I were too damn alpha to make anything work beyond friendship. I think we both knew this, our competitive natures kept our feelings from going passed the friend line." Said Buffy seeing Satsu nod in understanding.

"But why Faith?" said Satsu after a few minutes of the two of them gazing into each others eyes.

"Huh?" said a dazed Buffy.

Satsu couldn't keep the small shy smile off her face, on the inside though she was jumping up and down doing back flips as she saw the glazed look in Buffy's eyes, definite crush signs.

"I asked why Faith? Why was she the only one that could stop you from going over the edge?" said Satsu.

"Oh… ya… the story." She said sheepishly. "Because she was the only other person in the world that understood what it meant to be a Slayer at the time. As much as I love and am grateful for my friends and sister they never did figure out what it means to bear that burden. Only another Slayer could understand it." Said Buffy.

Satsu nodded "But you are not alone anymore Buffy."

"I know, I have you… and the others to share the burden with now. Trust me, big yay for that." Said Buffy hastily.

Buffy looked around noting that it was full dark out now and there was a definite chill in the air.

"Tell you what Satsu this story will take more than one night to tell what do you say we call it a night get some sleep?" said Buffy.

Satsu smiled not quite ready to be parted from Buffy's company but understanding that she might need space to get her emotions in check.

"Sure I can do that. When you feel ready to continue you know where to find me." Said Satsu not wanting to push.

The grateful look on Buffy's face confirmed for Satsu that Buffy had reached the point that she was becoming uncomfortable continuing.

After a minute of silence Buffy looked at Satsu shyly.

"Would tomorrow b-be ok? We could meet here and watch the sunset… and I could tell you more… of the story I mean. That is if your free to that is, I don't want to keep you from something important or…" Buffy was interrupted when Satsu placed a finger on her lips.

"It's a date." She said.

Buffy smiled at the girl "Thank you. For the listening… you don't know how precious a gift that is for me these days." Said Buffy as she pulled the surprised girl into a gentle hug.

Satsu melted into the hug savoring the warmth and comfort she felt in the elder Slayers arms and her heart became bit more lost to the small blond Slayer she had come to love. She almost whimpered when Buffy ended the hug not wanting to give up the safe feeling she felt but also knew if she crowded the skittish Slayer she would only drive her away.

"See you tomorrow at sunset ok?" said Buffy.

Satsu nodded "Tomorrow. Sleep well Buffy."

"Goodnight Satsu." Said Buffy as she walked off toward her rooms a small smile playing on her lips.

Satsu watch until Buffy disappeared around the corner then spun and floated off to her own rooms, feeling like she had made a very big step forward in winning the heart of the girl she had fallen in love with.

BTVS


End file.
